Under my skin?

Lin Hô in Louisiana asks: "Can I judge a book by its cover?"

In times past you could always tell exactly what was inside a book simply by looking at the cover, but this is no longer the case. To gain an edge in the very competitive book market many publishers are resorting to sneaky tactics and purposely assigning titillating titles, hoping to increase sales from unsuspecting buyers. Because of this it's best to open a book and thoroughly check the contents before purchasing it. This way you'll avoid the frustration of buying a book titled The Physics of Kama Sutra Positions, only to discover that night in bed that it's actually all about gauge theories in particle physics...and that there's nothing remotely erotic about the illustrations.
If you're asking this question figuratively and referring to judging others by their outward appearance then the same principle applies. It's always a good idea to do a full body search before bringing someone home to avoid unpleasant surprises.

Free Willy?

Fatima in Portugal asks: "Do humans have free will?"


For most of us every decision we make in life is preordained. I like to think that I could have answered this question any way I wanted to, but the harsh reality is I was fated to put down every word written here. A select few do have freedom of choice, but it was predetermined who these individuals are, so we can't do anything about having free will if we're not already one of these fortunate people.

Wascully wabbits?

Harm in Wisconsin asks: "Is hunting immoral?"


It depends on the moral character of the hunter's prey. Just as there are good and bad humans, there are also good and bad animals. If an animal is living a good and moral life then killing it is immoral. In Dante's Divine Comedy the ninth circle of hell was reserved for hunters committing this sin. However if an animal is immoral then shooting it is morally justifiable.
Hunters can detect which animals are immoral by observing their behavior in the wild. For instance, if you spot a deer acting skittish and nervously looking around for hunters with guns then you can be fairly certain that type of paranoid conduct is brought on by a degenerate and immoral lifestyle. Hunters are doing all the well behaved animals victimized by these woodland hooligans a favor by making their forest sanctuary a safer and more peaceful place.

Prosit?

Marsi in Slovenia asks: "Is my glass half empty or half full?"


Surprisingly the answer has little to do with your perspective on the volume of liquid remaining in your glass, and more to do with what kind of liquid is filling half your glass. If it's stinky city tap water or Sierra Mist soda then your glass is definitely half empty, even when it's half full. But if it's a Belgian high gravity beer in a 2.o liter beer boot glass then it's always half full...until you wake up the following morning.

State of bliss?

Harold in South Dakota asks: "Is ignorance bliss?"

No. Ignorant people are actually miserable, they're just not smart enough to know it. Intelligent people are miserable too, the difference being they know they're miserable and understand the reasons why...which usually has something to do with all the ignorant people running around being blissful for no good reason.

Chakra Khan?

Constance in England asks: "How do I know if I have a color aura around me?"


Everyone has an aura. They are formed by the electromagnetic field created by the energy given off from our bodies. To view someones aura you need to relax your eyes and focus on the emptiness in the subject's head. If that doesn't work trying it while stoned usually helps. The color of an aura will depend on the balance and harmony of a person's Chakra, and how much their underwear is riding up at the moment.
Seeing auras can be a valuable guide on whether to engage in conversation or avoid someone. For example, if you're eating lunch with a co-worker and see a green aura around them it means that person is in a growth mode and will have no qualms about stealing your fruited tofu curry salad. If you're a male and you see a hot pink aura around a female's aureoles it means she's sexually aroused, or that it's cold outside (if you act on it you'll find out quickly which of the two it is). If you see a rainbow aura around a person it signifies they are a Reki healer, or gay, or both. If you see any aura filled with floating white specs it means that an angel is close by; or if it's a woman, that she's pregnant, or will soon become impregnated by an angel. If you see brown it can mean that person is very materialistic, or that their personal hygiene practices leave a lot to be desired.




*Check the laws where you live as viewing auras is illegal in some countries.

Say what?

Francis in Iowa asks: "Is the saying, 'There are no dumb questions' true?"


No, and this question is a perfect example of a dumb question. People all across the world ask millions of dumb questions every day. In fact the only thing more common than dumb questions are all the dangerously dumb answers to those questions.

Master peace?

Felix in New Mexico asks: "Why did so many of the great artists have miserable lives?"

Suffering and mental anguish are necessary ingredients to bring out the genius in a person's creative endeavours. This misery is what separates the truly great from the less fortunate happy artists. Stable mental health, inner peace, and positive affirmations from others is the breeding ground for complacency, ordinariness and mediocrity, and will insure that an artist's body of creative work is omitted from the books of historical masterpieces.

If you know a painter, writer, or musician that seems unreasonably happy you'll be providing them a great service by doing what you can to make their life a living hell. Pointing out their many character faults and offering frequent unsolicited scathing critiques of their work will lead them down the road to immortal greatness.

A failure to communicate?

Mark in Kentucky asks: "Does God answer my prayers?"



God answers all our prayers. If we don't hear back from him, or it's not the answer we want it's either because the prayer was rejected for not being sent in the proper language (English became the official language of Heaven in 2005), or your prayer was modified before reaching its destination. Due to the number of toxic pollutants in the atmosphere our petitions to God are sometimes mutated into entirely different words on the long journey from earth to Heaven. This letter metamorphosis happens if they encounter high concentrations of methane, carbon monoxide, or sulfur dioxide as they rise. This is why someone can pray for a really good cold cut sandwich and end up receiving a really gross cold sore instead.

You are always on my mind?

Marjan in Belgium asks: "How often do men think about sex?"



The answer to this varies greatly depending on the religious and cultural values of the community that the male was raised in. Ironically, men in more liberal sexually open societies think about it far less often than men living in sexually repressive societies, where such thoughts are considered taboo. For example, Danish men think about sex with women once every 45 seconds, while males living in strict orthodox Middle Eastern theocracies think about having sex with anything once every 4 seconds (the other 3 seconds are generally focused on finding good stones).
On a related note women think about not having sex with men once every 6 seconds, no matter where they live.

I feel your brain?

Tiffany in New Zealand asks: "How can I tell if I'm right or left brained?"


People with left brain dominance tend to be logical, analytical, and linear thinkers. Right brained dominant people are just the opposite and tend to be intuitive, subjective, and holistic thinkers. Next time you feed your brain sensory data stop and think immediately afterwards about how you processed the experience. Using the given traits of left and right brained people you should be able to determine which camp you fall into. If neither of these brain hemisphere characteristics apply there's a good chance you fall into the third category of being no brained.